Revenge for my pain
by felinerx
Summary: My whole life I've had to suffer the torture of loneliness...because of this demon. Now they will pay, I hate them, hate them all... Short one-shot, crap summary, angst, slightly weird, makes no sense, etc...
1. Chapter 1

**This is so random, retarded and weird it's ridiculous XDD Oh well it's shit, I know, I don't care. 8D**

**I wanted to try something in 1st person, and I wanted to try something angsty 'n' stuff XDD That's all I need to explain this random little one-shot ;P**

**Gaara's POV, around the time of the Chuunin exams...not much else to say, so enjoy~!**

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Pain.

Suffering.

Torture.

My whole life, all I've known is those three things. Pain. Suffering. Torture. I have known nothing but these. Along with the heart-wrenching pain of losing someone you love? I can't live with this. But no matter what I do, I cannot die. I scream, I beg, I threaten, I thrash against the bonds holding me, but the deaths keep coming. I watch from the deepest recess of my mind, unable to fully control my body, watching as I mercilessly kill hundreds, watching their fear-filled eyes fading into nothing.

I can't lie, I fear this demon, the very same demon that my father sealed into me, the very same demon that caused the death of my mother. And he hates me for it. He blames me, for something that was clearly his fault...I despise my father.

And I despise this demon...

He is the reason every fears me, the reason I'm hated, unloved, the reason everyone runs away...

I'm so alone...

I should add that to my list...

Pain, suffering, torture, loneliness.

I don't hate anyone...aside from my father...I don't blame them from fearing me...this demon, Shukaku, is ruthless, he loves to kill, kill, kill...he has to kill at least one per day - human or animal, he doesn't care - to stay happy...he's as bloodthirsty as a demon can get...

I fear for Konoha...that village...have I mentioned, my village, along with Oto, are supposed to invade and destroy Konoha. The invasion is today...I don't want to kill, I can't take it anymore...Shukaku is happy about it, he's practically throwing a party...hundreds of citizens, innocent bystanders, will most probably die by my - no, Shukaku's hand, today.

_"I DON'T WANT THIS!!"_

**"Stop your whining, you undesireable little runt. Ohhhh today is going to be so much fun!"**

_"YOU CAN'T DO THIS, YOU CAN'T!"_

**"Ohoho, I can, and I will, and there isn't anything you can do about it...why do you constantly fight me? No one loves you anyway...give in to the hate...the loathing...the power..."**

_"Maybe...I will...no one loves me...you're right...but that's...your fault...not mine..."_

**"Your father's fault...give in to the hate, Gaara, give in, hate his guts, despise him, avenge your mother, give in to the hatred..."**

_"..."_

......

Maybe he's right...

**"That's it...give in...take out your anger on them all..."**

After all...what have they ever done for me...? Nothing...

**"Embrace it...use the hatred..."**

And I sit here...I pity them...I fear for them...for what? For them to hate me? And my father...it _was_ his fault...if he hadn't sealed Shukaku inside me...

_"...You're right..."_

There's nothing for me. I hate them all, hate them. They do not love me, therefore I shall not love them...I can only love myself.

**"HAHAHA! YES! I'M FREE!!"**

It's so...dark...

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**....................................God.**

**Y'know, I kinda hate this, it's so random...and really shitty, with absolutely no plot...seriously...**

**But I kinda liked wriitng it, I had fun with that, so, oh well!**

**Yeah, kinda didn't exactly finish with a "OH MY GOD AWESOMENESS!!" kinda ending, but oh well.**

**None of it really radiatied that awesomeness.**

**Eh, well, I hope y'all liked it!**

**...And it's really short...**


	2. Important note: I have returned!

So after years of inactivity due to giving up on my writing I have returned! Lately I've begun writing a little again (No fanfics so far though, just some original stuff I thought would be fun to write) and I came to realise I _really_ enjoy writing even if I tend to feel like I'm no good at it.

So I eventually came to the conclusion that even if I feel as though I'm not a great writer, I _do_ need a hobby to fill in the time I spend being bored and it is a brilliant way to improve my literacy skills through practice for school. Since I'm now nearing the HSC preliminary exams (For those who are not Australian, this is...I have no idea what the equivalent in other countries is, but I am basically in my first of two years of senior schooling, IE I am nearing the end of Year 11, therefore within a year I shall have almost completed my schooling. The HSC gives me an ATAR, which is basically a university admission rank I'll need to enter courses in University, or College for the Americans.) and after that will be beginning my HSC course, I feel I'm going to need all the practice I can get for English since I am, in my own opinion, rather terrible at it. So, why not write fanfiction again? I have a lot of spare time dueto not really having much of a social life and well I can't spend all of it studying so...a hobby is a good choice!

Tonight, I have begun rewriting Jutsu Gone Awry completely, and since I still remember all the ideas I had for that fic, I am able to continue it and hopefully will complete it by the end of this year. A lot of changes are going to be made. For example:

- Chiba and Sayuri will no longer be such great friends at the beginning of the fic, but will grow to become good friends by the end

- The Akatsuki members will be a little more in character, although they will still be written in the way I believe their personalities would actually be like. Itachi, for example, will be a lot more introverted than in the current chapters of Jutsu Gone Awry. The Akatsuki overall will also be a lot less accepting and kind of Chiba and Sayuri at first.

- Chiba and Sayuri will be around Deidara's age (They will be 18, Deidara is 19) rather than 13, because while back when I first wrote JGA (When I was 13 myself, I might add) I did find it fine because I was a crazy as shit fangirl, but now that I'm a little over a month off 17, I have, obviously, grown up and realised holy _shit_ I was a messed up kid. I am no longer a squealy fangirl, but I still do love the Akatsuki despite the fact that I dislike Naruto itself. (Their deaths is essentially what caused me to stop watching Naruto - without the Akatsuki it just wasn't the same) So anyway the realisation that grown men having sex with 13 year olf girls is sick made me completely revise their ages. _This is why anyone under the age of 15 probably shouldn't write fanfiction. _(And also why we can't have nice things)

- The story will be a lot less happy and a little more serious, as my personal life tends to reflect in my writing. As I grew older, I quickly grew to realise life isn't all fun and games, and that's reflected in the way my writing has become a lot more serious.

- The appearance of Chiba has been completely changed to suit my personality and tastes more as they are now and have been for about two years (Remember - Chiba and Sayuri were the Naruto personas of myself and a now ex friend of mine. Well, ex best friend, we still sort of talk, but we're not great friends anymore - hence why Chiba and Sayuri aren't particularly good friends in the rewritten version).

- I will now be attempting to write all the chapters to about the same length (That length being hopefully about 2000 - 3000 words per chapter) rather than having one chapter 1000 words long, the next double that, and the one after that yet another different length. It won't be exact but I will be keeping my word goal at approximately 2000 - 3000 words. (Currently chapter 1 is at 1200 words, and chapter 2 is at 3300...see what I mean? I wish to eradicate this dramatic difference between chapter lengths) Which of those two goals will become my length per chapter is undecided - I'll see how writing chapter 1 works out before I decide anything.

That's about it for the changes that will be present in the JGA rewrite. For now it is the only story I will be rewriting, but I may eventually move onto rewriting everything else, removing some other stories, uploading some new ones etc.

I also may think about making an account on a non-fanfiction website for my original writings, but I can't think of anything off the top of my head. Perhaps deviantART, so I can stop beign inactive there as well. this, however, is something I will decide at a later date.

I will be removing JGA as I begin uploading the rewrite, but this message will be displayed on my profile and in all my other stories as well. It will probably be removed from my profile within a month or two however, so hopefully all my old reviewers and followers will see this by then. If you guys are still around _and _still care about me and my writing, I will actually love you with the passion of a thousand burning suns. I do miss the old days on FF and dA, so returning to them...well, I don't really know what to expect, but it will be nice to be seeing all the people I knew from when I was still active.

Much love everyone.

- Claudia (felinerx)


End file.
